“Mom!!! I have asked you to come watch my new dance routine about 500 times AND for hours.”
I watch So You Think You Can Dance, therefore I’m practically a professional dancer.
“It’s been two minutes, I will be there in a second!”
By one second, I actually mean 5 minutes. And, you have never taken a dance class in your entire life, it is not actually possible for you to host enough of a knowledge base of modern dance skills to devise an entire routine.
“OK! One…Two.. It’s been TWO seconds, TWO seconds and you are still not here!”
I’m 6 and the concept of the time is like an 8 or 9 year old thing.
“Fine! I actually need 5 minutes, give me 5 minutes please.”
Start counting now. 5 minutes, that’s 300 seconds. Try that! You can’t, can you?!? I bet you get stuck at 159 and can’t figure out that 160 comes next….
“Now it has been 5 hours that I have been waiting for you to come! I’m bored of waiting!”
Why did you even have kids if you aren’t going to bother paying attention to them?
“It’s actually only been 3.24 minutes since you first discovered my whereabouts via screaming 3 times above a suitable octave range for a child of your age, gender and vocal ability.”
Why did I ever have kids……
“That’s what I said, it’s been HOURS.”
I’m not a moron, I know it has only be 4 minutes, but I like to watch you lose your shit.
“Minutes!!!! Anyway, as I said before, I am in the middle of writing a piece for a very important client that is due in 3 hours time. I need to finish this one paragraph before I can attend your stup…. I mean…. dance show.”
For the love of all things, give me 5 minutes child!!!!
See, I did it. I made you lose your shit and it was so easy.
Watch me now lull you into a false sense of security before I activate my diabolical plans.
“Thanks Honey! I’ll see you as soon as I am done.”
Is she serious?!? Compliance is not her style. She must have gotten distracted by something.
“Actually, I’m standing right behind you.”
You are on Facebook, I can see the computer screen. What a tremendous waste of your time. You could have had that work done in the promised 5 minutes if you had focused and done your writing rather than get sucked into the vortex of crap that is Facebook.
“Oh…. Hi honey! I’m going to need a few more minutes…”
Damn, she caught me. Is there some app that makes Facebook look like a Word Document with the click of a button? Ohhh, let me Google it and find out!