Things That Are More Elastic Than My Skin

Human skin is intended to be like a rubber band, you stretch it out, let it go, and it bounces back into its original firm shape.  Every once in a while, (say, three times) something (say, children) causes it to stretch so far that it snaps, never able return to its non-stretched marked shape (unless your husband agrees to plastic surgery).

Screen Shot 2017-10-08 at 9.04.42 AM

As you can see from the above actual photo, sometimes skin can’t handle the demands of a little human (wuss) and simply gives up.  The end result is a stomach that resembles the saggy butt of a 500 year old man.

Childbirth and child rising have millions of intrinsic benefits (actually, only like three or four) and the journey makes you stronger in mind, body (exception for the bladder), and soul.  Apparently, the skin is just a lazy bastard and can’t keep up.  So skin, this list is for you, you quitter.

Things that are more elastic than my skin:

  1. My Sanity
  2. My Fat Day Trousers
  3. Any Trampoline (polypropylene can bounce back after 15 billion kids jump on it, but skin, you can’t handle three, you loser)
  4.  Elastic Girl (The Incredibles)
  5. Slinky  (Note: this only applies to one that has never been touched by a child under 10)
  6. Economic modeling of the price of Coke v Pepsi
  7. My Patience
  8. Resistance Training Bands that help make, another one, Muscles!
  9. Sia’s heart
  10. My tolerance of Disney show theme songs

So skin, there are ten decent examples of elasticity that you lack.  Defeatist sloth!

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